So glad christmas is over

Why do I do this every year? No one at our house even mentioned the birth of Jesus this year, nor even read the story in a group setting... I used to think that was what it is supposed to be about...but really, it is the most stressful time of the year. Peoples expectations getting shattered with disappointments. Of course, my main disappointment was that Shaun didn't call or even send me a card. And I was so depressed I didn't try to call him either. John finally admitted that of all the last 20 years that he has been buying gifts for christmas--he has really only "enjoyed" it one time--back in 1995. So quit doing it then!! Sometimes I think my other 2 kids work hard to make up for Shaun's "neglect", and I appreciate that, but it is not their job to make up for their brother's behavior...They do treat me well probably because they are decent human beings and they love me. oh well...
Depression is back again, has been lurking around for quite a while. Then when Shiryl left, it broke in to stay. Now John is upset with me and that is depressing. There is a phrase out there like--"don't put all your eggs in one basket"...and for me that applies to making sure you have more that one "friend", cause if she moves away--boy! are you in for a rough time! So now its time to cultivate some more (more than "1") friendships...
The last 2 times John and I have gotten upset with each other, he has mentioned we should go see a counselor...has it come to that? I guess so. The first argument I was RESENTFUL when he mentioned that--but after yesterday's argument--I am saying GO FOR IT--yes, it has come to that. I am wrong--he is right--he can't handle my assertiveness and my actually verbalizing my opinions. I felt shot down and devalued and disrespected....and usually it is just easier to NOT share my opinion because I risk facing his judgemental disapproval attitudes. He actually said yesterday that he has noticed in the last 6 months that I have been more assertive and voicing my opinions and that he has not adjusted to that change in me...and i said--that is the main reason I don't say much very often--because you don't like it anyway....oh well...and he can't handle women getting "emotional" every time they are upset, duhh! whatever...